With the US Olympic Committee planning for a 2024 Olympic bid, it sent out letters to 35 cities that it thinks have the potential to host the Olympics. Here’s the list, which USA Today placed in order of preference, most favorable to least:
35. Chicago — Does the USOC not watch the news? I’ve supported Chicago in the past, but not these days. Can you imagine the shooting events in that city? And I’m not talking about the Olympic ones for medals.
34. Phoenix – Governor Jan Brewer isn’t very open to foreigners entering her state. How would that work?
33. Nashville — I shudder to imagine an opening ceremony full of nothing but country music.
32. Orlando – Would Shamu be the official mascot?
31. Jacksonville — Why is this even being considered? Wow, if I lived in Tampa, I’d be really peeved.
30. Sacramento — Sac-Town can’t even hold on to its NBA team. It’s the capital city of a bankrupt state. Now you want it to host a major international sporting event?
29. Charlotte — Well, you know how partial I am to the Queen city. But I think 2028 would be more realistic.
28. Pittsburgh — I love Steeltown, but these residents love football, hockey, and baseball. Not sure they’d rally around other sports.
27. Rochester — Rochester over Syracuse? Albany? Huh?
26. Columbus — Still wrapping my head around this one.
25. Las Vegas — No Olympics can be held here for the same reason there’s no professional sports team. Begins and ends with a g and has ambling in between.
24. Baltimore — See my reasons for #1. I’ve watched “The Wire.” I don’t want an Olympics held with Omar comin’ !
23. Detroit — There would be no facilities to hold the events because everything is being abandoned and falling into disrepair. It already resembles Sarajevo and Athens without having hosted an Olympics.
22. San Antonio – Any upset victories can be celebrated with “Remember the Alamo!”
21. Houston – Is anyone aware of how hot this city is in the summer? Swimming pools double as bathtubs.
20. Dallas — This is an annoying city. Also, see #33 for additional reasons.
19. Minneapolis – If this was a Winter Olympics, I could get behind it. Minnesota has produced quite a few good speed skaters, hockey players, and other Winter Olympic athletes. It’s the state of Herb Brooks, former Olympian and coach of the 1980 USA Hockey Team!
18. Boston — I bet the marathon would be good.
17. San Diego – Only if Ron Burgundy can co-host with Bob Costas.
16. Miami - Doesn’t NBC show too much beach volleyball as it is?
15. Portland – Wow. Now this would be an exciting Olympics.
14. San Jose – As opposed to San Francisco? Huh?
13. Indianapolis – I guess Larry Bird would drive out on his tractor to light the cauldron?
12. Los Angeles – Been there, done that.
11. Tulsa – Um, there are water events in the Olympics. You know, sailing, rowing, canoeing, kayaking, etc. Oklahoma is landlocked.
10. Memphis – I agree with what USA Today wrote. Would Fat Elvis or Skinny Elvis make an appearance?
9. Austin – Matthew McConoughey will lobby for a bongo playing event.
8. San Francisco — Ah, here’s San Francisco on the list. Well, they do have the streetcars….
7. Denver — I prefer Denver be considered for Winter Olympics. Either way, I’d get so sick of hearing announcers talk about athletes adjusting to the altitude.
6. Seattle — I like this idea–until I think of all the rain delays.
5. New York — I know London and Paris have done it, but this just makes me nervous.
4. Washington D.C – National Security nightmare.
3. Philadelphia — The city that inspired “Rocky” would sell out its boxing events. I just hope table tennis wouldn’t be held at Independence Hall.
2. St. Louis — Only if the crime rates have gotten better. Hey, the slogan could be “Meet Me in St. Louis!”
1. Atlanta — Been there, done that. Literally. Until MARTA becomes smarta, I’ll pass.